First of all I have explained the interpersonal conflict and its components then linked all the components with my interpersonal conflict with my parents on the issue of going abroad for higher studies. Further I discussed different concepts of interpersonal conflicts with reference to my own interpersonal conflict. At the end I discussed the role neuroscience in building interpersonal conflicts.
Interpersonal conflict is the difference between perceptions of two or more persons on a single matter because of many factors. Factors include Values, ego, facts, policies etc. Conflicts that occur can be a combination of three components.
Behavioral Component: This is where one person interferes with other person’s objectives achievement.
Cognitive Component: This refers the conflict between persons because of the conflict between interests and objectives of each person.
Affective Component: This is the state of negative emotions because of conflict with someone.
As per instructions I was required to choose some interpersonal conflict in which I was personally involved. Therefore, my conflict was with my parents upon the issue of my studies, as I belong to a developing country so I thought to go abroad (USA) for higher studies but my parents did not allow for going abroad. It started with my personal thought. One day I was thinking about my future and what it would be like? What I will need in future? How I will become a professional? What I will make for my kids and wife and parents? And to make it all real I decided to go abroad.
Initially I gathered some information about procedures and expenditures involved in the process of visa for going abroad. I contacted some of my friends already went for the same reason and discussed with them about their conditions and goals whether achieved or not? What kind of difficulties they were facing in achieving their objectives and other things like situation about accommodation and monthly expenses involved for survival. After making a complete detail and thinking it a suitable opportunity for me to go abroad I also thought it was affordable for my parents to bear the expenses I discussed the situation with my parents and I told them everything like my objectives and results that I was expecting from my decision. My parents rejected the whole idea at once and even asked for no more discussion on the matter.
This was the time when affective component strike first time to my plan and I started to disagree with my parent’s instructions. I tried to impress my parents regarding the similarity between my objectives and my family’s objectives but they again rejected the whole plan this is where cognitive component added. I knew there was no one who can bear my expenses and after all I have to convince my parents first if I have to go abroad. I continued to try harder and harder. I asked my parents again but they rejected again and asked for no more discussion this is where behavioral components added and a conflict came in existence between me and my parents. Interpersonal conflict concept suggests that the interpersonal conflict can occur because of different situations. Three of them as instructed are discussed with reference to my conflict with parents as under.
This conflict refers to the situation where one party does not agree to the other party because of some values and beliefs on which first party have a complete faith. In this instance I think this was one of the main reasons between me and my parents as it was their belief that one should not leave his country if he is living his life without pain. Secondly it was also their belief that the friends who really help in the time of need do not exist and most of my plan was dependant on my friends. They were also thinking that I was just a child and cannot handle every situation alone so they were not ready to send me alone anywhere.
This refers to the situation where one party thinks himself most superior and other party is not able to achieve his targets/goals.ego conflict arises when a person think that his decisions should not be challenged. In this situation a person sticks to his decision because he cannot bear the criticism. Same was the case with my parents. When I discussed my plan with them, my parents at once rejected my thought without any reason. Without realizing the fact that I was thinking of a bright future they gave their opinion just to satisfy their desire to keep me with them and they asked me not to discuss the issue again. They were afraid that if they agree to my decision it can hurt their ego, their self esteem.
This is a situation where both parties think that they are fully aware of facts behind any matter they are having under discussion. In this regard I was confident that I was fully aware of all the facts involved in my plan of going abroad but on the other hand my parents were fully confidant upon their knowledge of facts and this remain the reason of conflict between me and my parents and I could not make them understand and believe what I was trying to do. For me it was like I was doing everything for me and my family whereas for them it was like they were thinking for me and the whole family.
Neuroscience & Interpersonal Conflicts
Scientifically it is proven that individual’s experiences and the neural pathways of their brains are interlinked. Experiences affect neural pathways and as a result neural pathways affect experiences. On one hand parents having great and enough experiences of life think that their children must learn and act and establish their goals in accordance with their experiences. Whereas, on the other hand children just started experiencing life according to their neural pathways, want to live their life and achieve goals according to their own desires and experiences. Here arises the conflict.
I decided to go abroad for higher studies as I thought that the life will be challenging in future because of the competition in jobs and level of qualifications and worse economic conditions and this will help me to become distinct and help be to grab opportunities to achieve my goals about my career and life I have planned for me and my family. But my parents thought opposite and rejected my idea of going abroad as according to their experiences life in here was easy and I can spend the same life with same luxuries like they had and they decided that I should stay here and create opportunities for myself like them as their experiences told them that there is no place and people better than their country. Whereas, I believed that God has created men to conquer the world. In spite of all my wishes and ideas I could not resist and surrendered to my parents experiences despite of having a great desire to go abroad for higher studies and a splendid career.
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